Mom, Where Am I From?

As we were sitting down for dinner a few weeks ago, my kindergartner asked me, “Mom where are we from?” I was taken back by his question and responded what made you ask that? He told me about how the kids at school ask him all the time “where are you from?” Deja-vu, all these years I have been asked the same question, “tell me where you are really from?” surfaced for me. Here is a list of scenarios I usually face:

–       You speak such good English, do people in India speak English?

–       Where are you really from?

–       At one point I shortened my name to Ro, as people continued to miss-pronounce my name.

–       In meetings when I speak, someone else takes over and says “let me tell you what she is trying to say”

–       The best one is when Slumdog Millionaire was released, “I loved the movie and I can see now why people immigrate from India, due to       poverty.”

I’ve just realized that I have come to accept these questions, but when my Kindergartner posed his question to me – something triggered. At such a young age he is starting to face microaggression? I asked him what was his response? I told them, “I’m from California mom. Do I come from a different place?” was his question. The reason I’m sharing this story is because a Kindergartner felt excluded when he was asked where is he from… he felt that he didn’t belong here!

What can I do as an adult/parent to help in this situation? Before I go any further, let me explain what microaggression is. According to Wikipedia, microaggression is “a brief and common daily verbal, behavioral, and environmental communications, whether intentional or unintentional, that transmit hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to a target person because they belong to a stigmatized group.”

I’m sure there was no ill intent when the question was asked towards my Kindergartner. It’s not the intent, it’s the impact microaggressions can have! Personally, I believe our unconscious bias plays a huge part in how we communicate microaggressions. For an average individual, its just a curious question or comment; however, unintentional or intentional it has an impact and causes a reaction.

I played a part by normalizing microaggressions until my Kindergartner re-surfaced how important it is to start addressing them. Literature is a great way to start teaching and building awareness as well as empathy for children. I highly recommend reading the article Teaching First-Graders About Microaggressions: The Small Moments Add Up by Bret Turner.

Book recommendations:

–       Barefoot Book of Children written by Tessa Strickland and Kate Depalma.

–       Having your name mocked and mangled—The Name Jar, written and illustrated by Yangsook Choi 

–       The boy and the bhindi written by Vivek Shraya

Awareness, intentional inclusion, and empathy are key to cultivating an environment of inclusivity and belonging at schools and the workplace. Awareness around what may seem like a normal behavior can have a huge impact when that behavior reinforces stereotypes; intentional inclusion where one is open, flexible, to others way of living and dealing with life; empathy to put ourselves in others shoes and to understand what the other person is experiencing.